I’ve achieved a steady state. Four months in to doctorhood, and I feel sure of my role and my responsibilities. I no longer have to think about medicine every passing minute, every sentence isn’t littered with abbrevs, mediculous jargon, and TUAs.* Not to say that I don’t still utter sentences that utilise only the connecting words from the English language or that the meaning of “Pt SOBOE with 2/7 post-prandial chest pain, ACS Rx + PPI, for echo + SBCA” eludes me – I’m just better at separating my ‘home’ life (inverted commas due to ‘home’ and ‘work’ being effectively the same place) from my work. It’s rather good. I’m reclaiming hobbies, doing things in my free time – last week I went climbing again and enjoyed it for the first time in months. I’ve joined a local badminton club. I’ve started to cook my evening meals again instead of eating crap every evening (although I’ve yet to undo the damage of that eating pattern!).
I’m also leaving my overdraft on Friday, hopefully for the last time in a good while! Liberation at last! No longer shall the shackles of debt hold me down! Apart from the 37K or so of student loan I owe, I’m home and dry. My credit card even has a £30 positive balance because of my own typoed overpayment when clearing the balance. Winner, winner, stir-fry dinner (ambitious I know but the cooking comes in baby steps and I only cook special things when Partner in Climb is around).
I looked back over the last few posts earlier, and realised they are mostly about death, or about me being rushed off my feet, or me being rushed off my feet and also dealing with death. It’s not really a true reflection on what it is to be an F1, but part of the publication bias of this blog is that I’ll write when I feel compelled to; that is, when something has happened that I need to vent somewhere. It’s honestly not that grim all the time. I promise. I also noted something of a delay in updating anything on here at all, even dark-and-sad-and-slightly-emo things, so here’s to the true point of this post:
I am happy.
*totally unnecessary acronyms