I moved, again, and am back in a hopsital I’ve stayed in before. I’m my own ex-next-door neighbour, if that makes any sense. And it’s weird.
Firstly, the house I’m in now is a mirror image of the one I lived in for two months previously. I am forever going into the lounge instead of the kitchen, and the bathroom instead of my room. It’s awkward, and slightly disconcerting. On the plus side the ceiling doesn’t leak in this house, although the taps are much more challenging. You may never have been challenged by a tap but surely you agree that any tap which, once turned off, needs turning off again a minute later (using enough torque to shred your hands) is a bad egg.
Second is the peculiarity of memory. I lived here, and everywhere are little odds and ends of remembrance which are at odds with everyone else I now live with. It’s like having a stack of in-jokes but everyone else has forgotten them – if anything, it makes you feel more out-of-place and unfamilar than if you’d moved in ‘fresh’. Overall, the result is a gloomier and more washed-out home life when compared to before (yes, the fact that it’s dark from about 2:30 in the afternoon doesn’t help either!). Rose-tinted recall aside, I still think my social life now is a darn sight more boring than it was this time two months ago. I don’t know if that’s a reflection on the people I live with or if I’m just too polite to say.
Flipside, A&E is pretty awesome although I am beginning to get frustrated with my lack of capacity to sign things or interact with the A&E patient software properly. That niggle aside, I am basically autonomous: I see, investigate, diagnose, and treat patients with only limited supervision from ‘real’ doctors. Obviously I have my limits, and if I think someone is acutely unwell I do go and get someone immediately (my record turnaround was somewhere around 30 seconds, when a patient looked so ill I hardly had time to introduce myself before going to fetch the consultant). Overall, it’s pretty good – a huge variety of patients and conditions, great stories that go with them, and a drawer filled with emergency chocolate to eat when life gets stressful. Another one not to cross off the future careers list, I think, despite the brutal hours and the deep, all-consuming cynicism that defines emergency department staff more than the members of any other specialty.
But still have not seen a cardiac arrest. I really want to get that first experience of CPR out of the way, done, before I qualify…is it incomprehensible that in a way I almost look forward to it?